Strange But True

Critters don't make New Year's resolutions. But if they did, here's what a few might say.

• Woodhouse toad My goal is to lay 25,000 eggs this spring. I’ll need lots of offspring because most of my tadpole toddlers will be snarfed up by predators.
• Turkey vulture My goal is to try new foods. I’ll eat anything — skunks, birds, snakes, fish, frogs, snails, rotten fruit, even worms — as long as it’s dead.
• Timber rattlesnake I plan to stockpile enough venom in my glands to kill 3,000 deer mice. But since I’ll eat only 20 meals next year, I won’t need to use much of it.
• Bumblebee I plan to be extra buzzy — and busy — in 2014. I’ll need to be if I hope to meet my goal of visiting 500 flowers a day.
• Hickory horned devil I may start off itty-bitty, but I hope to grow as big as a hot dog and become Missouri’s largest larva. If you grew as much as I plan to grow, you’d be 30 feet tall.
• Rainbow trout My resolution is simple: survive trout-fishing season at Bennett Springs State Park. To do that, I’ll need to dodge nearly 150,000 anglers.
• Eastern cottontail I plan to poop a lot — nearly 350 pellets every day, in fact. If you lined my pellets end to end, by next New Year’s my poop should stretch half a mile.
• Striped skunk In a year’s time, I’ll produce enough scent to fill a soda can. But don’t dare pop the top! That much funky fluid could leave 200 coyotes drenched in stench.